I was sitting on my futon writing when suddenly I heard a creaking in the walls. Assuming it was the usual bus driving down the street, I thought nothing of it. Seconds later, my two kitties came flying erratically into the living room and suddenly the entire room began to shake. We were having an earthquake. My legs involuntarily turned to jello.
I live in San Francisco, so I am no stranger to earthquakes. But despite that, they still give you a shock when they come, always so unexpectedly. Several hours later, having wound down from the adrenalin of the small quake, I was laying in the acupuncture chair, full of needles and definitely ready for the relaxation of my weekly acupuncture treatment. Suddenly the acupuncture clinic began to shake somewhat violently. I threw my upper body into the air and yelled out an expletive! We were having yet another earthquake! Twice in one day.
Those two earthquakes were several months ago now, but I was reminded of them early this morning at 5:30 am when I was jolted awake by yet another earthquake. Fortunately none of these quakes were serious ones, but each one of them has gotten me thinking… thinking about change. It has me thinking about how change can come at any moment, when you least expect it, and often when you are not remotely prepared for it. I am certain that we have all learned this lesson in our lives, often the hard way.
It seems to me there are three types of change: 1. the type of change we consciously make and for which we are excited, 2. the changes that we do make of our own volition, but yet which are still very difficult and sometimes heart-wrenching, and then there is the third type of change: the type of change that catches you completely off-guard, takes you completely by surprise, knocks you over and has the ability to shatter you, just like an earthquake. I have learned through my own experiences that we can learn to approach all of these types of changes in the same fashion: with openness, vulnerability and a willingness to accept whatever may come our way…and not only to accept it, but to embrace it. But I did not come to this place easily.
I’ll never forget the very first major change of my “adult” life. I was 18 years old, just barely an adult, and due to a broken heart and complex emotions in which I was stagnating in my home town, I made the decision (at the encouragement of my mother) to drive the two hours north to spend the summer living at my grandparents’ adorable little beach cottage in the resort town of York Beach, Maine. I had spent all of my childhood traveling there in the summers with my family. It was, in fact, my favorite place on earth, so moving there should have been an exciting change. And in part, it was.
But after packing up the car and making my way part-way up the highway for what felt like a journey to another dimension, I suddenly found myself gripped with panic. I had never lived anywhere except my small, quaint colonial town of Wrentham, Massachusetts. I had never known any friends but those friends with whom I had gone to school for the previous twelve years. Suddenly the thought of moving to a new place, where I didn’t know a soul (other than my family), was terrifying.
I pulled over to a gas station, pumped the pay phone full of coins and called my best friend back home. I was in tears, I was gripped with fear. The tremor of change had taken me over. This friend, who had been my closest friend all throughout my high school years, was wise beyond her years at 18. She somehow knew I needed to overcome this fear and confront this change. She told me to forge on. My eyes brimming with tears, I got back in the car and continued on, steeped in my own trepidation.
Well, I am so glad that friend encouraged me to continue forth because that change turned out to be one of the most important ones I have ever made. It was that step that allowed me to see that there was life beyond the 20 mile radius that I had known all of my life. That move opened up a whole new world to me that I never could have imagined; a new job, new friends, and most importantly…a new perspective. But even more importantly, it was this move, this first spreading of my wings that would pave for the way for me to dive head first into many more significant and life-altering changes to come. It was largely this change that allowed me to put myself on a plane, by myself, to go live in Spain for a year; to subsequently move to several new cities and then furthermore to move across the country and begin a whole new life. It all started with that two-hour drive to York Beach, Maine.
But it seemed that those intentional changes, despite having to overcome fear, did little to prepare me for the unexpected, undesirable and involuntary changes that were to come my way down the road. When the first true love of my life left me in my mid-20’s, I felt like there had been a massive earthquake and the whole earth had fallen out from under my feet. It seemed that there would be no possible way to put the pieces back together again. My world had crumbled.
I did everything in my human ability to try to adapt to that change, but despite my best efforts, it was a change to which I simply could not adjust. Without realizing it, I was fighting tooth and nail to resist that change, and I suffered greatly for it. Life was trying to pull me with the current, but I refused to go. I couldn’t go. I didn’t know how, where or why. It wasn’t until an even more devastating broken heart, six years later, that I would begin to realize that there was only one way to deal with an unwanted, gut-wrenching change. If that first heartbreak had seen the earth fall out from under me, this one had done both that and had overcome me like a giant tsunami and I was drowning in my own sorrow, in utter despair. As I struggled to breathe under the weight of the crushing waves, I reached a point of complete desperation, a point where I knew I only had one option: I had to surrender.
Since reaching that point of surrender in recent years, I have begun to perfect the art of surrendering, going with the flow and trusting in the Universal forces. I have learned that though we cannot see them at the time, there are reasons why all of these changes, however painful and unexpected, come into our lives: they come to teach us powerful lessons; they come to take us with the current and deliver us to new found places we never could have before imagined; they come to transform us into the people that we are meant to be. Those changes, however unsought and however devastating, have allowed me to live through a transformation, a more powerful alchemy than I ever could have imagined. They have allowed me to blossom into a person I never could have known, living a life of emotional and spiritual richness of which I never would have dared dream. Those changes, however unwanted, were in the end…gifts.
And one of the most powerful lessons I have learned from walking through the fire of my own changes, is how to truly open myself up and surrender to any changes that may come in my future: whatever they may be; however painful, however unimaginable and earth-shattering. As I think about this morning’s earthquake, those that have already gone by and those that will come, I have realized that earthquakes provide us with a powerful lesson for life:
Just lovely, J.
I definitely can relate. It’s funny how we get so scared of things we know nothing about, or have never seen. Then, once we overcome those fears, we ask ourselves, “Why were we scared in the first place?”
Most of my family are within a 40 mile radius of each other, they are “safe” there, and haven’t been many places. They are perfectly happy with that. But, life is for the living! So, I’ve always wanted to “live” and see things. Bravo to you for spreading your wings!
Xo,
Justin
Justin, thank you so much for reading and for the lovely comment. Much appreciated. 🙂
Thank you so much for writing this article. I am smack dab in the middle of all sorts of changes in life – some by choice, some not – and it truly struck a chord. I’m at one of those points in my life where things could go a lot of different directions, and through adopting yoga principles I don’t look at the future with fear. I’m open to what may be presented. You’re writing is always timely and I look forward to everything you publish. Congratulations on your continuing journey of life. Namaste.
Thanks you so much for your kind words,Thomas. I am so pleased that my experiences resonate with you. 🙂
Thank you so much for this.
Such a great article and one I can relate to on so many levels.
Leaving home, relationships and more recently major earthquakes each bringing change in one way or another, some wanted, some not so much.
I think your last sentence sums it up perfectly ‘…soften, surrender and go with the flow’. Perfect.
The only thing certain in this life is that nothing will stay the same.
Absolutely true Rob! Thanks so much for reading.
Wow…awesome post Jeannie!
The biggest challenge with change (to me) has come from the strength that is needed to accept it. I have found that strength comes with “training” which is, in this instance, nothing more than taking the time necessary to learn to adapt and accept. At some levels I am still coping and working toward full acceptance of the dramatic changes I have experienced recently.
The great thing is that there are many people out there who have the experience necessary to show us the way through some of our darkest moments. It is, however, the unique personal experience that is the ultimate teacher…I can hear what others are saying about change, but until I adopt the experience I am having into my everyday life what others say is just words.
Still, it is the words and experiences of others that begin to make sense as acceptance comes, and none more poignant than yours! Peace!
Wise words, Tom, such wise words. I hope that my own experiences have given you even a glimmer of peace. The only way out is through..Hugs.
Great post. I connected with the idea that change has “come” to teach us something. So true! And what a great way to embrace it. I love hearing about your own experiences that helped teach you how to surrender to change. I am learning right now how to balance surrender with visioning my goals and work. It is a delicate balance of giving myself permission to dream big, and then giving that vision to the Universe to manifest in whatever way is best. Of course, I have to be open to whatever comes! If you would like to come check out my own writings, I blog about spirituality and daily life. http://www.threedeelife.com
Thanks for reading. I’m so glad it resonated with you. I look forward to reading your blog. In fact, I’m settling in for a quiet Friday night, so I’ll do that tonight! Cheers!
Soften, surrender, embrace….those are powerful words and are certainly a part of my own vocabulary and way I approach my life. I really like the theme you work with in this post and like how your experience with these recent tremors triggered a deeper reflection of your experiences with and how you approach change.
I can totally relate to this post. Things happened last year that shook me to my core. I was forced to accept change and then eventually be strong enough to make changes on my own to improve my life. This is a great blog. I wanted to let you know that I tagged your blog in a post in my blog for favorite blogs. Feel free to participate if you’d like or have the time. http://29tolife.wordpress.com/2012/03/26/i-have-been-tagged-like-officially/
Thanks so much for reading and for tagging. I’m glad my piece resonated with you. And I hope the dramatic changes in your life are bringing magic into your life, as they have done in mine. Cheers.
[…] the water by leaving my home town to move to the summer beach town of York Beach, Maine. This first spreading of my wings would allow me to take flight, and fly I did… straight across the ocean to spend a full year […]